Yellow Bird

Not many people I know have dated outside their race, my own friends included. I myself have never even dated within my race, but that's not really the norm. Just like everyone else, when I like someone or consider dating someone I'll wonder whether I'll be their type, not just personality-wise but, frankly, colour-wise. Because, let's face it, I'm not white. And it's not like I want to be something other than what I am, but I can't forget about this fundamental difference that is so visible to the naked eye.

People wonder all the time what their future spouse will be like. But do you wonder what race they'll be? I do. It's probably my number one question. The ensuing life I'd have with a caucasian man would be quite different from the one I'd have if I married a Vietnamese man or an asian man. Heck, the wedding itself would be radically affected. And don't even get me started on the kids, what they'll look like, what language they'll speak. It makes it almost impossible to daydream about the future or The One when the alternatives are so different.

White friends of mine will sometimes talk about setting me up with white friends of theirs. And at the back of my mind a small voice always wonders whether "asian" will be the guy's type. Because it's simply not true that all guys like asian women. Or at least be willing to date them versus just getting erotic massages or lapdances from them. A married acquaintance of mine actually told me that he liked me and that he'd never been with an asian woman before! Does my being asian have anything to do with his liking me? I certainly have no interest in being his token exotic asian mistress.

While I was in France I dated a really nice french guy. I won't even call him "open minded" because he never made me feel "different" from him in any way. But I sure felt it when I went to Normandy with him for Easter with his family. It's hard to describe what happened and how I felt. His grandparents weren't condescending as such. In fact, they seemed charmed by my asian-ness. They (unintentionally) made me feel as though everything about me was so interesting and unique. I think they even launched into a discussion on race relations and political correctness in France and pointedly asked me how I felt about it just so I could see how unracist and accepting they were of me. I may as well have just stepped away from the rice fields and off the boat.

It's funny, when I meet someone new, they'll usually ask me where I'm "from", but you don't think to ask that of Random White People that you meet. I know telling them I was born and raised in Montreal and that I'm Canadian won't answer their question. A guy I knew, once again in some feeble attempt at making me feel comfortable, once told me completely out of the blue "I don't see colour" and then later, "I'm so colour-blind." Huh? I almost gagged and rolled my eyes when he wasn't looking. Unless you're colour blind, you see colour.

I guess in the same way that I wonder whether white guys will like me because I'm asian, white guys will sometimes wonder whether I'll date them because they're not asian. In fact, I've had guys ask me before whether I only date asian men. Do white guys ever think they're my token white arm candy? Did you know that white people make more money teaching english overseas than their asian counterparts, regardless of actual speaking and teaching ability? It's like reverse racism...crazy.

Anyway, this wasn't a rant or anything. I just felt like thinking aloud on this topic. I know when I tried explaining some of this to my white friends they were really surprised and admitted that there's a lot I think about that they've never had to consider before. You probably won't see sitcoms about asian families popping up any time soon (Margaret Cho had a short-lived one, didn't she?), however I have noticed an increasing number of asians newscasters, which - I can't help it - makes me puff up my chest with pride. Betty Nguyen (on CNN), you go girl!