(Meant) To Be Or Not To Be?

This whole business with the voicemail is driving me crazy. Now I kinda regret deleting my message. I'm pretty sure he didn't hear it but it's unlikely that his roommate will remember enough or anything about it to tip him off as to the caller's identity. Even if he thinks it might be me he probably wouldn't call unless he was sure and there's no way he could be sure after our 3 month hiatus.

My Best Friend, the perpetual drama queen, thinks he and I are meant to be because of the whole password fiasco. I have to admit it's pretty freaky. I thought it was a sign to mean that I should never have left the message in the first place and to forget about him for good. Best Friend thinks I was meant to actually speak to him and is trying to convince me to call again but I don't think I can. I can't believe I psyched myself up to call him and leave a message only to erase it and end up right back where I started.

I can understand Best Friend's encouragement. She's a romantic and a big believer in gut feelings. She knows how much I was and still am into him. When I was with him I was definitely hoping for a future together. It's not a good sign that I'm living only in the moment with The Boy. See, I inevitably lose interest in guys that I'm not instantly crazy about. I may go out with them for a while because they're so nice/hot/into me but sooner than later I get that "Ew, gross" feeling that signals that the end is near. I don't want to have to feel that for The Boy. To be honest I already find some of his quirks rather trying.

People always tell you to trust your gut and follow your heart. I think I know what I feel, or rather don't feel. I think I'm pretty self-aware. Drew and Nat have 5 happy years together and apparently it wasn't love at first sight. But what worked for them might not work for me. The ones with whom I've been madly in love with didn't always love me madly back but that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with my method. It's just a matter of finding someone who's going to be just as crazy about me as I am about them. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Carol has been with her boyfriend Micha for over 5 years. She loves him, he's great, he adores her, they get along, the sex is good. He's husband material and they're probably going to get married. But she's cheated on him several times in the past with Alex. She reasoned that she'd never dump Micha for Alex, that Micha is The One. I know he can't possibly be The One if she's cheated on him repeatedly and will likely do it again. She, like the rest of us, needs to find someone like Micha with whom she'll have a similar comfortable, workable relationship plus the attraction and passion that she has with Alex, otherwise she'll never stay faithful.

I don't want this dynamic for myself. If I stay in a relationship because of guilt and fear I'll only come to resent the person I'm with, or worse be turned off by them and that's not fun when it happens. With regard to The Boy I suppose I could be wrong. He's the best thing to come along in a long time, which I totally appreciate. Just remains to be seen whether my love will grow or fade with time. My last relationship like this lasted about 6 months before I could stand him no more but perhaps this'll have a happier ending...