The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

I was talking to my friend Anne about this topic a few nights ago and thought that it was worth posting about...

People usually refer to someone's Looks as being superficial, and distinct from his Personality, which is often considered a truer reflection of himself. We're all familiar with the old adage: You shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I think this is sage advice. But while I agree that a book's content is not influenced by its cover, I think that a person's personality is indeed shaped by his looks (among other things, of course). I don't see looks as being so much separate from personality but a determinant of it, and a key factor in its development.

Think for a moment about your own personality. Think about the experiences you've had, your approach to life, the way you deal with people and they deal with you, your fears and anxieties, your self-image. Would your personality be any different if you looked like Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts (or whoever you think is gorgeous)? Similarly would you be exactly as you are today if you were very unattractive? Maybe not. And people's personalities can evolve as their looks do, such as increased confidence after dramatic weight loss.

They say that you shouldn't discount a physically unattractive person because he might have a great personality. He might be really nice with a great sense of humour. Would this person still continue to be as sweet and funny if he woke up tomorrow and was suddenly gorgeous or would he start to change? It's not a coincidence that there are a lot of goodlooking jerks out there, that's why we're so excited when we meet someone uber-attractive who is also sweet and intelligent and funny. (Something must be wrong with him/her, we start to worry. Maybe he wears women's panties or She is really a He?!)

I surfed an internet dating site recently and noticed that women were much more likely to post pictures of themselves with their profiles. Of the first 30 profiles I looked at, 100% of the women had pictures posted, compared to only 67% of the men. The number for men decreased further when you clicked onto the French profiles. I'm not sure why this might be, besides the fact that people don't want to be recognized online. Intellectual attraction is important but so is physical attraction. By concealing one's face one is only giving others a partial portrait of oneself.

Scientists say that as far as looks go people tend to surround themselves with others who they think fall within 2 points of themselves either way on a 10-point attractiveness scale. I can't say any of my exes were physically repulsive, nor have I had "ugly" friends of either gender. They all definitely fall within 2 points of one another, and I guess, of myself. Proof that Birds of a Feather Flock Together?

So while I agree that looks in and of themselves aren't important I think they are a big part of who we are, and therefore a part of our personality, not independent of it. Maybe beauty is more than skin deep after all.