The One
It was predicted that I would meet Mac. I was even told how I would meet him, and it happened in exactly that way. I knew, felt it in my stomach, that the man I was supposed to meet was in the elevator and on his way up. When I first opened the door I was shocked, as he looked nothing like anyone I had ever known or liked. I remember looking heavenward thinking, "Him?! Are you sure it's him?" Despite my confusion and initial resistance we did indeed end up together and would spend close to the next eight years together. But I never thought he was The One.
Mac was literally destined to be a significant figure in my life. Our relationship was a major milestone. As much as I loved him, and wished at times that it could have been so, I knew that he was not The One with whom I was to spend the rest of my days. It didn't change how I felt about him or keep me from being with him for as long as we could but I knew things had to and eventually did come to an end. That's something I'm adamant about: either you feel it, know it, or you don't. If you're sure about nothing else in your life, be sure about who you're with. Life is too short. Why be with someone you have doubts about? Because you're afraid of being alone? Afraid of never finding The One you want so settling for the one you've got?
I'm not a romantic school girl with stars in the her eyes and fairy tales in her head. I don't expect thunder to roll and lightening to flash when I meet The One, not to be confused with the concept of a Soul Mate, which I don't think I believe in. In my mind, it's more about compatibility than blind love. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said it best:
Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction.
I think you should want to gaze at each other too. Some couples are so preoccupied staring into each others eyes that they don't pay attention to the bumps that keep tripping them up. Others drive relatively smoothly along the road of life together but looking straight ahead without touching. Everyone knows a tired couple who seem more like friends or roommates than lovers. I could never be half of that couple. While I think that your lover should be your best friend he should also be the kindling and flame to your physical and intellectual fires, cause Baby, it's cold outside.
I sometimes wonder about couples my age who've been together for several years, but who aren't married or even engaged. It's like, what are you waiting for? We're not teenagers anymore, it doesn't take three years to get to know someone, at least I don't. Common answers (AKA excuses): not being in a hurry despite having already been together for 5 years, not "believing" in marriage, not having enough money, etc. I mean, it's different if both people are genuinely happy together but most of the time, when you dig deep enough, you find out that it's usually one person or the other who isn't sure about committing to the one they're with. Which is worse, being with someone you don't want to marry or being with someone who doesn't want to marry you? Doesn't everyone deserve to be with someone who truly loves them? Isn't it better to let go so that you can both find what you're looking for?
posted by Cat @ 4:49 AM
7 Comments:
It means a lot to me, thanks Nem. I'd love for someone to fight for me as hard as you're fighting for Marsha. I admire your tenacity. She's a lucky girl, I hope she's worth it.
That's one of my favorite quotes, and reference to one of my favorite songs.
So what else can I say, really, but nice post! You make things seem so simple, and perhaps they should be.
That was well put, Cat. And why does St Exupery always make sense? It's scary.
Why do we insist on complicating matters of the heart? The person you're with should make you happy. If you're unhappy or fighting all the time then they can't be "The One" for you, no matter how much you think you love them. I'd rather be single than alone in a relationship.
In my own translation ... (hope it's not OT :P )
Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other
glazing at each other is selfish love. they only care of each other that only leads to desolation eventually.
but in looking outward in the same direction
moving in same direction/goal (e.g giving out more love to others) since goals are align, both would appreciate & truely love each other.
Furthurmore, Love is funny, the more you give / forgive, the more you recieve, leading to true happiness.
While I understand most of the discussion here touches on relationships. I believe it do applies to certain extend.
The concept of finding "The One" who truly loves you, compatible with each other etc are, IMHO, mere fantasy. As true love always involves giving / forgiving / accomodating ...
If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Teresa
I agree that love is about sacrifice but a person's vice may be more easily overlooked by one person over another. I could never accept a man who drinks a lot for instance but that might not matter to another woman. Now imagine if there were 10 other things about this man that I found very difficult to accept. This person could never be The One for me, but he could be for someone else.
There are certainly people who are more suited to one other, it's just a matter of finding The (best) One(s) for you. I think that's a realistic expectation.
Louiemay, great questions. I ask myself the same ones everyday as one by one my friends are taking their trips down the aisle. (This will be the subject of a future post.)
I do think there is pressure for women to marry once they've reached their late 20s, early 30s for obvious reasons like fertility. But it has a lot to do with growing up, maturing, making a serious, emotional, voluntary, longterm commitment to another person, and not just thinking and living for yourself anymore. And while you can do this and NOT be married, the marriage license goes one step further.
I think that once most people find someone who: they love wholeheartedly, are compatible with practically and emotionally, have the same values, outlook and approach on life, and with whom they don't have major conflicts, they will want this person all to themselves and will want to marry. I say you should wait as long as it takes, even if you're past Prime age. Anyway, it's not right to start a family because it's "time". That's why there are so many divorces and broken families.
I think most people who say they don't "believe" in marriage just haven't met someone who makes them a believer :)
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