Putting The Ex in Sex

My ex-boyfriend's roommate had sex last night. I know this because my ex, Jay, and I were downstairs in the living room when the fun started. He and I hadn't seen one another in years so the sound effects made for an uncomfortable reunion to say the least. The whole situation was pretty comical, really, under the circumstances.

You have to forgive the couple's vocal indiscretion. Apparently Jay's roommate, Matt, and this girl, heretofore referred to as The Lungs, had been broken up for several weeks and (lucky me!) last night was their reunion too. Add to this the fact that Jay and Matt had only just moved into the loft a mere week ago, and perhaps had no idea that their new home was actually an echo chamber.

I'd only been there 20 minutes before the bedroom antics began. Jay and I both jokingly acknowledged the action taking place over our heads and conspicuously turned up the volume on the TV. Unfortunately, The Lungs also cranked it up a few notches. At first we tried to talk over the noise of the blaring TV and the Screaming Banshee but then we felt pretty ridiculous. We could barely hear each other, and frankly, I kept losing my train of thought. The conversation went something like this:

Jay: So, uh, would you like something to drink?
The Lungs: YES!!! YES!!!
Me: No (YES!!!) NO, I'm OK, thanks.
TV: WAH WAH WAH
Me: Um, nice place you got here.
The Lungs: UHHHHH!!! UHHHHH!!!
TV: WAH WAH WAH
Jay: Sorry, what?
The Lungs: OH GAWWWWWD!!!
Me: Oh God.

To add a another twist to an already awkward situation, Jay didn't yet have a couch so there we were sitting on stiff wooden chairs in the relatively empty living room - which was doubling as a concert hall - while The Lungs' growing enthusiasm for Matt's sexual prowess reverberated all around us. When it became clear that it was only Act 1 of the evening's performance, Jay and I decided to head over to my place. (I'll take a rain check on the upstairs tour, thank you very much.)

...

So it was after midnight when we arrived at my place where we sank, relieved, onto the sofa. We decided to celebrate our celibacy by toasting over a couple of strong drinks. It was great seeing Jay again. We were each other's first high school boyfriend/girlfriend. He's definitely special because of this and I never knew he felt the same way until we started talking about "the old days". I reminded him of how he used to sing to me over the phone, which is funny cause he's now the lead singer in a rock band. We laughed about the time he ran out of my house, in his socks, into waist-deep snow when my parents came home unexpectedly. It was really warm, and familiar, and comfortable.

I don't know if it was because of the earlier events of the evening, the nostalgia, the bud, or the booze but I suddenly felt overwhelmed and dizzy. Jay put his arms around me and held me, stroking my hair as I hyperventilated for about 10 minutes. The nausea passed and I was OK again. Our closeness hadn't felt wierd at all, even after all these years. In fact, it happened very naturally and I think we both felt better.

To make a long story short Jay ended up staying over. He'd forgotten his keys to his building/loft, and Matt must have been totally spent after a night of boudoir gymnastics cause he didn't answer the phone when Jay called. It was already 3am so we decided he'd just go home in the morning.

It was obvious that Jay, who's about 6'2, was going to have trouble sleeping on my couch. I knew it'd be fine for him to sleep beside me so he did, and it was - fine, that is. Granted, it's not something I do everyday, literally sleeping with my exes, but I think it was a combination of many things: we have a history together, we bonded last night, we felt comfortable with one another, we were both a little lonely (and tipsy), and just wanted to be close. OK, I admit I was a wee bit curious as to whether the flame was still alive - I mean, we were just kids back then - and I think I know the answer.

I'm sure something could have occured last night but I kept things innocent. We'd had such a good time, roommate issues notwithstanding, and I didn't want to needlessly complicate matters. Besides, dating again is not an option either of us is considering, so just hooking up was out of the question. I did the right thing. The right thing sucks. I hate doing the right thing. But I like being right. You see my dilemma.

I do realize though that this can't happen again. We were faced with the opportunity and did not pursue it. We passed the test, but I don't plan on taking that test again, so I'll be certain to keep things platonic going forward. Kay says that because we used to go out it is possible to just, like, kiss once just to satisfy our curiosity, and go back to normal. Pandora's Box is tempting but I'm not going to open it. As much as women say they can do it like a man, researchers have proven that physiologically women do in fact become attached to lovers in a way that men don't. Turns out we're not as good at compartmentalizing as we thought.

The Ex Factor. It's an interesting phenomenon. Does one ever really get over one's exes? I think oftentimes it's a case of Wanting What You Haven't Got or The Grass Being Greener on The Other Side. If you're truly content in your current relationship it's easier to see an ex with someone new and be genuinely happy for them. But if you're unhappily single or in a less-than-ideal relationship then it's normal to feel hurt or jealous or envious or angry or whatever. I think it has more to do with one's ego than the other person. When you really love someone you should want them to be happy, even if it's with someone else.

I find there's always a vibe between exes, even a weak one. Once you're intimate with someone it becomes something between you that you'll share forever. (This is assuming you're not some Casanova who has had countless lovers or a bad breaker upper that your exes hate.) There is certainly something exciting about the Ex Factor. It's almost romantic, like, "Darling, no matter how much time has passed there'll always be something between us!" This is the stuff moves are made of, but this ain't the movies, and in the end it's best to just be satisfied with an emotional "something", and leave the Ex out of Sex. (Someone send Matt a memo.)