Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

But alas, I think it has to be done, and sooner than later. Fortunately, it won't be coming completely out of left field. I told The Boy recently that I feel there's no spark and that things just don't feel right to me. On paper and in practice we are a total match, which is why breaking up seems so foolish and difficult. There would be few foreseeable problems in our relationship, so right are we for one another. But the physical attraction, the electricity, is just not there and as far as I'm concerned that's the deal breaker. It never really was there to begin with, though I tried to tell myself otherwise, but it's actually died even further in the last few weeks. No sense in beating a dead horse, as they say.

On the flip side, I saw J again and it's safe to say that I don't see a future for us even though the physical chemistry was off the charts. We are from different sides of the tracks, have completely different views on the world, different approaches, different interpretations and different ways of communicating. That is, I analyze, rationalize and verbalize and he's more of a laid back quiet dreamer. I never know what he's thinking and it drives me crazy. There'd be no end to the fights and misunderstandings we'd have. I knew all this going in. Astrologically speaking J and I are opposite signs and it's completely obvious. It's so clear that we'd never have a chance that I can't even be disappointed. We may end up being friends, which would be fine with me. Guess I'll find out when I see him tomorrow night.

In a matter of weeks I experienced two extremes: intense intellectual/emotional bond but little physical chemistry and strong sexual attraction but weak mental compatibility. Neither of which are the makings of a solid relationship (though I'll take passion over companionship any day). And so it's back to the drawing board with much enthusiasm. My experiences with J and The Boy showed me that I'm not ready to give up my independence just yet, especially not for someone I'm not super excited about. I'm even letting my friend Sandy set me up with some Vietnamese guy she knows. He sounds surprisingly cool and she thinks we'd really get along. I'd normally refuse but Sandy is great and I trust her so I'm going to be open-minded about this. Who knows? Maybe it'll work out but I daren't breathe a word to my parents. They'll be printing up wedding invitations before you know it.