My First Time

At a concert, that is, with one of my favorite bands; one that I'm so glad I "saved myself" for.

Massive Attack at Metropolis on Sunday, October 8, was incredible. Thanks to my friend for the best (surprise) birthday present ever. (The show was actually postponed to October 8 from its original September 11 date.) It was surreal to hear them playing tunes that I've listened to maybe hundreds of times. It gave me goosebumps.

3D, Daddy G and their guests Horace Andy and Beth Orton did not disappoint and put on an amazing performance, playing many unforgettable classics: Karmacoma, Three, Risingson, Dissolved Girl, Black Milk, Man Next Door, Inertia Creeps. And of course, Teardrop:



Definitely gave me something to be thankful for, this past Thanksgiving weekend!

Texting Me...All Night Long

Text messaging is dangerous. It allows you to "say" all kinds of things you wouldn't normally say to someone for various reasons. It can be the equivalent of saucy little notes tucked away in a pocket or briefcase waiting to be discovered and savored. Just a few words to tempt and tease you, to wet your appetite and your pants. They can be subtle, filled with sexual innuendo or they can be boldly, blatantly bad. A sexy secret for your eyes only.

Almost Famous

My new job in Communications is the bomb. There have been some hiccups along the way due to my excessive fear of failure and lack of self-confidence but so far I think I've delivered on my projects and have even garnered some praise and recognition in the process. Someone I met recently told me that he'd googled me and found links to my work, which I was really excited about.

At the same time I'm scared senseless. This latest career move means that I finally have clear deadlines, responsibilities and accountabilities, and because it's also in the corporate world I'm moving from behind-the-scenes to the forefront and I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for it. I don't know what happened to the girl who used to compete and win in public speaking. I haven't seen her in at least six years but hopefully she's just been hibernating and will soon wake up refreshed, revived and ready to go. God, I hope so.

The only other problem is that I'm not "officially" part of the team yet. I've only been on loan since June and am currently awaiting my fate. I dread going back to my old group (AKA Go Straight To Jail, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200) but if that happens, c'est la vie, I'll try not to let it get me down. I'm just aware that my new job is truly challenging and stimulating and not many people can say that. It's stressful working in limbo like this. So close and yet so far, so far.

The Drugs Don't Work

Is it true what the song says? Do they just make you worse? It certainly seemed to be the case for me this past weekend. I'd had a particularly rough week at work and was really looking forward to getting wasted and enjoying my weekend. I guess I didn't realize just how physically exhausted I was because a mere four drinks (albeit strong ones, slammed back one after another) into Friday night and I was pretty much a goner.

Thankfully I didn't get sick but woke up the next morning with a splitting pain in my head and an almost bigger pain in my heart at the less-than-flattering first impression I must have made on the people I was introduced to the night before. I must have asked this one dude what his name was at least five times, so much so that he jokingly threatened to walk away. For the record, his name was Kenny.

I know "you don't need drugs and alcohol to have a good time" (groan) but they sure make having fun a helluva lot easier. It'd be great if they weren't needed to attain altered states of consciousness. It'd be even great if I didn't want or need an escape from reality. I suppose it is getting old pretty fast, as am I. The drugs don't work like they used to but that probably means it's time to stop looking to them to do the job.

Chocolat

A friend of mine told me that she has to have chocolate at least once a week. She said she'd go crazy if she didn't get her weekly chocolate fix. I like chocolate - usually of the milk variety: Ferrero Rocher, a KitKat break every now and then - but crave it? I can't say I crave it on a regular basis.

On a date a few weeks ago my date offered me chocolate and seemed amused when I declined. I explained that although I liked it I didn't need it like some people do. "You must get enough sex," he responded with a smile. I laughed and nodded in agreement but his comment made me think about the link between sex and chocolate.

They say chocolate stimulates the release of endorphins into our system, as does sex, which contributes to feelings of euphoria and relaxation. I suppose it's possible then that someone who lacks sex might crave chocolate. It certainly applies to my aforementioned chocoholic friend who has not had any sexual contact with the opposite sex in ages.

Another friend of mine admitted that she has recently developed a craving for chocolate and that this sudden desire does seem to coincide with her sexual abstinence. It's an interesting idea...

Women crave chocolate more than men but maybe it's because men indulge in more self-love on a daily basis, thereby more frequently enjoying the effects of those much-sought-after endorphins. Now before women all make a bee-line for their Rabbits/ Pocket Rockets/ Hitachi Magic Wands, I'll add that apparently laughter also releases endorphins. OK, so maybe rolling on the floor laughing isn't quite as appealing as a good roll in the hay but hey, unlike good sex, good chocolate or a good laugh should be easy to find.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

My four year old nephew had a little girlfriend in pre-school named Georgia. One day, out of the blue, he earnestly told my sister, "I wanna break free with Georgia, Mom." She was speechless. It made my day.

Tempted By The Fruit Of Another

Is it so commonplace that there are songs written about it? Is the fruit from your neighbor's tree truly sweeter or is it merely the lure of forbidden fruit that is so tempting? At best one sour bite is enough to satisfy the curiosity or make you regret the indiscretion. At worst you'll not only desire the fruit, you'll covet the entire tree. Either way it's bad karma for everyone involved. I'm totally aware of this, but it doesn't make it any easier to resist and at times makes it that much more irresistible.

A part of me wishes I hadn't asked and he hadn't answered, although I'd started to suspect it toward the end. It was a classic case of Ignorance is Bliss, or being deliberately obtuse. I knew about her. I just thought he was honest with her about there being others. I didn't want to be the only one. Knowing this would have made it an affair instead of just two single friends in a sometimes-physical relationship. At the same time I didn't want to be one of too many since I genuinely cared about him, yet had no interest in being his girlfriend. I couldn't trust him anyway.

Of course he isn't helping at all. He'd be a great politician - always so sure of himself and able to convince anyone of anything. I know he'll do his best to seduce me, appealing to my sentimental side, the one with the familiar, soft spot for him. I want to believe that there is no risk of reoffending. Doing so would only validate his dishonesty. I'm single, he's the one who's attached but would being his accomplice make me just as evil? (A mutual friend tells me that on some level she knows (don't they all?) but chooses not to ask. Sound familiar?) Would my doing the right thing now somehow save me from being a victim of someone's infidelity in the future? Maybe not but one has to start somewhere in making things right and I'm definitely going to try.