Don't Cry

A friend stopped by to see me at the beginning of last week. She knew I hadn't had the best end to my weekend and came over to chat for a while. I looked like death but it was more because I'd partied until at least 4am Friday through Sunday. She must have thought otherwise cause as she left she nodded her head sympathetically and said, "Don't cry," having spent her own Saturday doing just that. "I won't," I quickly reassured her and meant it. Circumstances may have gotten me down recently but if there's one thing I can say it's that I haven't shed a single tear over any guy I met in the last year. To weep is humbling and I refuse to be humbled by a jackass. They don't deserve our tears, I tried to explain to her, not unless they're tears of pity, in which case we should cry 'em a river.

100th Post

It's ironic that my landmark 100th post on my dating blog should be about my need for a hiatus from dating. I'm on vacation this week in more ways than one. The entire month of August has been really stressful at work as I attempted to prove my worth in order to land a very challenging new job, which I'm proud to say I did get. I'm taking a much-needed break this week before my new role begins but then it's full steam ahead. I'm terrified of failure but also excited about the possibilities.

I've noticed an on-going inverse relationship between my personal and professional lives. That is, when one is going really well, the other is faltering in one way or another. I've had a great time going out and meeting people in the last year and a half but was beyond miserable at work. Now the instant things start looking up career-wise I'm suffering some major setbacks in my love life. I want to stop this vicious cycle and think that it's probably just a matter of perspective. I've been given an amazing opportunity at work and I shouldn't let whatever shortcomings I perceive in my personal life to bring me down.

After last weekend I decided to switch gears and stop obsessing over my personal relationships, stop tring to make thing happen and instead just go with the flow. I've kept a diary since I was 9 years old and looking back it's clear that I've always been a little boy crazy. I even told Jay that he'd have to settle with being just friends without the benefits. I want my life to be about more than just relationships or lack thereof. I'm two weeks away from my birthday and I want my 28th year to be even better than my 27th. I'm hoping to make and see some positive changes starting...now.

A Silver Lining

The best part about being burned by a jerk is the ultimate and glaring realization that he was nothing more than a liar and a coward. Better to come to this conclusion and be rid of him sooner rather than later. It'd be much worse to fall for someone truly wonderful who either isn't available or isn't into you and honest about it. Not every guy who ends up hurting you is going to be an asshole but you should definitely not waste time being miserable over an ugly person who deserves only to be forgotten.

Apropos

For the Week of August 24:

Philosopher George Gurdjieff declared that most of us are essentially asleep, even as we walk around in broad daylight. We're ignorant about the higher levels of awareness we're capable of; we're blind to the continuous flow of life's miraculous blessings. He said that in order to wake up and stay awake we need regular shocks. Some of these are uncomfortable, forcing us to face our own stupidity. But other shocks are delightful. They're doses of sacred medicine that entice us to shake off our sleepiness and come to attention in pleasurable ways. I believe that in the coming weeks you'll be offered a steady supply of the latter.

I hope you're right, Bob. You certainly seemed to be with last week's:

My old philosophy progessor Norman O. Brown would periodically interrupt his lectures, tilt his head upward as if tuning into the whisper of some heavenly voice, and announce in a mischievous tone, "It's time for your irregular reminder: We're already living after the end of the world. No need to fret anymore." The implication was that the worst had already happened. We had already lost most of the cultural riches that had given humans meaning for centuries. All that was going to be taken from us had already been taken. On the bright side, that meant we were utterly free to reinvent ourselves. Living admidst the emptiness, we had nowhere to go but up. What remained was alienating, but it was also fresh. Use these ideas as seeds for your meditations. You can apply them to both your personal life and the world at large.

Lost

A series of unfortunate events over the last several days has left me feeling lost. I couldn't even visit my own blog because I knew I'd feel guilty about not having written in so long but I'm of the opinion that if I don't have at least one positive thing to say I shouldn't say anything at all, at least where my blog is concerned, so that hasn't left me with much. I hope to crawl out of this hole soon. I'd love to be rescued but I know that ultimately I should look only to myself. If I'd been able to do this in the first place I probably wouldn't be here right now. Or at least not so deep.

Baby Boom

I don't know if any of you have noticed this in your own cities but there seems to be a proliferation of pregnant women waddling along the streets of mine. It's like everyone and their dog is with child. Though I love seeing babies in the streets (especially those accompanied by their handsome fathers) I've never found the sight of a very pregnant woman particularly heart-warming. Au contraire, I sometimes find it slightly repugnant, which hasn't helped my mood any lately.