Carol

My friend Carol and I had brunch over the weekend. Our parents were and are still friends so we've known each other for years but were only close until I was about 14. We got back in touch last year after I moved into the neighborhood. Although she lives right around the corner, we don't hang out that often. Not that I wouldn't like to but I've never been very good at turning casual acquaintances into close friends. Something to do with not wanting to force my frienship on anyone. I'm insecure like that.

Anyway, Carol was one of these petite, cherubic kids that blossomed into quite an exotic (yet still slightly chubby-cheeked) beauty, though she looks so youthful (could it be the cheeks?) you'd think she was no older than 20 instead of the 26 years she's about to turn in two weeks. Every time I've seen her in the last year she's looked impeccable and this last time was no exception. Always very chic, even in casual wear. If she wasn't so sweet I'd probably be insanely jealous, instead I'm just a tad envious.

I say a tad because poor Carol's mother is arguably the meanest mom ever. She was physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive to Carol when we were growing up, which I and our friends too often had the horror of witnessing. It was like her mom took pleasure in humiliating her in front of others. Since Carol moved out I don't think her mom beats her anymore but the other forms of abuse sadly continue. Rarely does one encounter someone that one would characterize as mean-spirited but Carol's mother is definitely one of them. Bitter, vindictive and ruthless, she is. Pure evil.

A few years ago, having not seeing me for many years, I saw Carol's mom and stepdad at my father's retirement party. Her mother told me how pretty I'd become (a compliment that surprised me) only to lean in a moment later and whisper, "...cause you know, you were not pretty as a child. Not at all. Not like now..." Gee, thanks, you withered old bag.

Through no fault of her own Carol and her mom are currently not on speaking terms, which I think is not entirely a bad thing. She tries way too hard to get along with her mom, an impossible feat if you ask me. Because her mom has severed all ties with other family members Carol, who's an only child, has no other biological family around. She tries to keep in touch with her stepdad but her mother always makes her feel like a traitor for doing so, so the closest Carol has to family is her live-in boyfriend of over 5 years, who she says is fantastic. Thank God for that.

Carol was so sad over brunch. I can understand why it'd be difficult to cut her mom permanently out of her life but I really think the woman is incorrigible. Maybe she should give up on pursuing a real relationship rather than continuing to endure this unending cycle of abuse. She said her mother's eventual passing will bring about both sadness and relief to finally be rid of this cruel woman whom she felt/knew/was told she could never satisfy. Listening to Carol's problems always puts my own issues into perspective. No matter what I went through I know my parents love me to death and never meant for their marital difficulties to affect me the way they did.

I offered to have Carol over to my place for her birthday. I'm going to cook her a meal and we'll spend some quality time together. I'm also going to make an effort to call and invite her out more often. She lives a few minutes away so there's really no excuse. My own sister and I are very close and our relationship is invaluable to me. Carol and I may not be family but I can certainly be a better friend.