Affirmation

In case anyone was wondering, I'm perfectly happy with my life at the moment. I may occasionally bitch and complain about this or that but the truth is I'm thrilled to have something to complain about. At the tender age of 27 I have a LIFE for the first time, answering to no one but myself, so excuse me if I'm not in a hurry to get to the alter or delivery room just yet. It annoys me that people feel they can judge me without knowing what I've been through, how I got here, and where I know I'm headed.

I was the baby of the family so my parents, who are older and thus more old-fashioned than most, were very strict with me. I was a good kid and kept my nose clean (except for the year I was 15 when I had my parents regretting they hadn't stopped at 3 children). With a little creativity I did manage to get periodic and short-lived tastes of freedom, including the time I spent abroad as a student when I was 21. But otherwise I basically went from living with my Father to living with my Boyfriend, both of whom were overly protective of me.

I've been responsible my whole fucking life, working my way through university and moving to Toronto right after graduation to work and be with my then-boyfriend. I brought home the bacon and fried it up in the pan every day for both of us, paying for everything from the apartment to the cars to the vacations we took. I was in love and didn't want to spend my time with anyone but him so making friends was not a priority, however I did adopt two dogs that I alone cared for. Needless to say it was a fatiguing lonely time.

Then somehow I got a cosmic break. A window of opportunity cracked open momentarily and, buoyed by a sudden surge of confidence and a good dose of desperation, I took the leap and rid myself of 135 pounds of dead weight. I knew I'd be OK. In fact, I'm better than OK. I'm happier than I've ever been. I come and go as I please. Answer to no one. Do whatever and whoever I want. I haven't shed a sad tear all year. If I threw a party I'd actually have people to invite. I'm having fun dating (boys like me, they really like me!). Surrounded by family who would do anything for me. All the while earning a living from my lovely home, paying bills, voting, recycling, and saving for a rainy day. It doesn't get any better than this.

I control my life. It doesn't control me. Finally. If I'm here it's because I want to be here doing what I'm doing for as long as I consciously choose to do it. I can tell you it has been one year, one month, and counting. I'm fully aware that my time is fleeting. I'm not 21 anymore nor am I trying to live as though I were. I'm just trying to do whatever makes ME happy right now, while there's only me to worry about. I expect to get married and have kids as much as the next person and I know it can happen in an instant so why not cut me some slack and allow me to enjoy this brief reprieve before I voluntarily step back into the cyclone?

I've come under fire recently from people who really don't know what they're talking about, who will never in their entire lives pull off what I can in a single year. I will do my best to not let these bitter jealous people take the wind from my sails when I know I've earned this holiday. I'm sure they'd like nothing more than to see me miserable, married and mother to three screaming tots. And I'm OK knowing that I will be (minus the miserable) someday, probably soon. But not yet. Not yet.