Rejection 101
I went on my date with Jason #4, heretofore referred to as J4, over the weekend. (We were supposed to go out the previous week but he'd postponed due to illness.) I didn't even really want to go but felt I owed it to our matchmaker to at least meet J4. He was very inoffensive on our date - didn't break a single one of my first date Rules - but once again no sparks. Although I had a nice time I probably wouldn't bother with a second date. Which brings about my next question...
How do I politely decline his request for a second date? He emailed me yesterday asking if I was free this coming weekend. He's very nice but I'd rather not lead him astray by going out with him again and I'm not really interested in just being friends. How do I let him down without excessively hurting his feelings or bruising his ego? People always say that they prefer the straight dope when someone isn't into them but no one ever provides examples of the right thing to say. Is there a class out there I can take? A manual I can consult? A list of excuses I can refer to? Maybe it's time to start my own list...
posted by Cat @ 3:55 PM
6 Comments:
You must really like bloging. The way you cross-link your posts is very innovative (akin to Slashdot). You dont' just say: "this link: here." Always well written too.
I to like the blog format, mostly becuase I love the ability to put images and words togather so easily.
Peace
BB
Good to hear from you again, Blair. But what about some advice on my predicament? :)
I think this is firmly rejection 102 territory: the "polite rejection after pleasant first date, with no desire to 'be friends'". Hell, that could be a master's level course. Ever thought about getting a doctorate in dating technique?
Seriously, though, I always figure the best thing to do is take what you tell your friends/family/blog, and translate that directly into what you tell the rejectee. In this case, tell him that you had a really nice time on your date, but that you didn't really feel like the chemistry was right. Apologize if you hurt his feelings, thank him for the date, and perhaps leave a very indecisive "maybe I'll see you around sometime" sort of line.
Really, the not interested in being friends part is the tricky bit. I've gotten, and given, the "friends" speech, and my experience is that people ALWAYS say they are interested in being friends, whether or not it's true. Then, if they're not interested, you just never hear from them again.
It's a tough one. I'm sure you'll figure it out.
Cheers,
Ahniwa
Bonjour,
J'ai lu votre post par hasard, sur votre pays d'origine, Le VietNam et je l'ai trouvé très intéressant.
J'espère que vous aurez un jour l'occasion de vous ressourcer et de poursuivre vos réflexions sur votre héritage.
Bon Tet et Bonne année du chien!
ps : je ne suis pas familier avec les blogs, pardonnez moi d'avance de ne pas poster mon commentaire sur le bon article.
Ahniwa: Yes, I'd like to avoid saying I'd like to be friends unless I mean it. I find myself using the "unresolved issues in recent breakup" excuse. Then the person feels the rejection is due to factors outside their control.
BTW, when do you arrive in Mtl?
Anonymous soldier: Thanks for stopping by!
Ahh, that's a good one. I mean, pretty much everyone can relate to that in some way or another. It still rings a little of the "it's not you, it's me" cliche, but I think so long as you never say, "It's not you. It's me" then you'll be okay.
My plan right now is to leave Oly at the beginning of August, and make a semi-relaxed trip across the country with a visit here and there to break the driving tedium. All said, I should arrive in Montreal mid-August. I was checking out the Montreal Craigslist yesterday. It's nice how active it is in the apartment rental market. Lots of good stuff near McGill.
It's too easy to get ahead of myself. I wish I could just pack up and move tomorrow. :) Soon enough, I suppose.
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