Chivalry Lives

I'd forgotten what it was like to go out with a real gentleman, someone who does all of those little things that many of us don't even expect on a date anymore. Ask any woman and she'll probably agree that chivalry is dead but that it should be revived - STAT! It's true that dating protocol has undergone some dramatic shifts in the recent past with it now being perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask a man out and so forth. Some men argue that they don't know how to behave on a date anymore. No matter how much times have changed and how many men women ask out one thing remains: old-fashioned good manners still wins points with the girls.

After Jon dropped me off last night I found myself thinking of all of his small gestures throughout the evening that together made such a big difference. It's the little things that count and that will set some men apart as the exception and not the rule. (Speaking of The Rules, Jon didn't break a single one.) It's not enough for guys to do the obvious like pay for dinner - though that in itself is not a given - and think that that'll be enough to earn him the title of First Knight. Lancelot, you are not. That said, here, in my humble opinion, are a couple of moves that are sure to get her talking to her girlfriends about you post-date:

1) Pick up the tab. (I've paid for my half of so many dates I've come to hate the Dutch.) Bonus points if you do it discreetly. Pay the bill on your way to/from the men's room. Or, after it arrives at the table set your credit card down without looking at the total or otherwise making a big deal out of it. Jon not only paid for dinner but for drinks and a show afterward. I offered every time but he wouldn't hear of it.
2) Let her order first. Don't begin eating before she does and eat at her pace. No woman likes to feel like she's the only one left eating and that you're waiting for her to finish.
3) Call the girl to confirm the date, especially if you made the date several days earlier and haven't spoken since. We've all been in that situation where it's Friday evening and you have no idea whether he's going to show up or not cause you haven't spoken since Monday when he kinda asked you out. If you actually do go out and have a good time it's nice to call or email her ideally 12-48 hours after the date to tell her so. Just a few words, nothing drawn out.
4) Pick her up instead of meeting at the agreed-upon location. This does not mean calling her from your cell phone to let her know you're outside or worse, honking while you're double-parked. Similarly, drop her off at the end of the evening or at least slow down enough so that she can jump out and roll safely to the curb.
5) Bring something. Flowers might be going overboard but a bottle of wine or some dessert is a nice gesture. Who knows, maybe she'll invite you back to share it later.
6) Compliment her. Just once upon arriving is fine to acknowledge any effort she put into preparing for the date. No need to slip in a puddle of your own drool all night.
7) Open doors and let her through first. Holding the door open behind you isn't the same thing. I must have gone to Jon's car a half-dozen times yesterday and he unlocked the passenger side first and opened the door for me every time. (I unlocked the driver's side door for him from the inside. Hey, gotta do my part.)
8) Walk on the outside nearest to the street. This is an oft-forgotten move that is still appreciated. It's unlikely that you'll be able to save her if a car were to come careening off the street but it's nevertheless a heroic gesture. At the very least you'll shield her from being splashed by a careless driver.

The real key is to do all of this smoothly, not obviously. Be casual, not corny. You don't have to stand up every time she gets up from the table, pull out her chair or help her into or out of her coat. It's a shame but women are so unaccustomed to chivalrous behavior that obvious moves can arouse our suspicions or activate our gag reflexes so it's best to be genuine, not phony. I'm told that Jon is always a gentleman, not just to the woman with whom he's on a date. I think guys can learn a lot from Jon, like Jeff for example, a guy that I went out with last week who was pleasant and polite enough but missed all the little things. OK, so you can't make a woman fall in love with you by picking her up or paying for dinner but you can show her some respect and make her feel pretty special. It might win you a second date. Or maybe you'll be the inspiration for an entire post in her blog. Well done, Jon, well done!