Fools Rush In

One of my girl friends and I chatted over the weekend about the latest guy she's "dating". I put dating in quotations because after a month of seeing and sleeping with one another she's still not sure whether they're actually dating. She doesn't want to broach the topic for fear of ruining a good thing, although being in limbo means that she can't even allow herself to be happy about a relationship that might not exist. What's worse, she's 35 and he's almost 40. You'd think that by 40 a man would be willing to commit to at least a relationship status.

The not-knowing is the most frustrating and stressful part. The last time I went through that with the psychiatrist I was "dating" last year I swore that I'd never put myself through that kind of uncertainty ever again. If you're sleeping with someone on a fairly regular basis he should give you give you the courtesy of clarifying your relationship or lack thereof; and you shouldn't have to be afraid to ask. When I finally posed the question almost two months into it he confessed that he'd been seeing another girl at the same. I was crushed but learned my lesson.

I admit that I was similarly evasive with The Boy but I later realized that the only reason I was hesitant about defining his role was because I knew he wasn't quite what I was looking for. I think that more often than not not saying equals not sure. And I don't know about the rest of you but at this stage in my life I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't sure how he feels about me, especially when I know how I feel about him, which I usually do.

I have an all-or-nothing approach to love. When I choose to love - and I don't love indiscriminately - I do so quickly, deeply, intensely, whole-heartedly. It's not always forever but it's always genuine in the moment and it's that kind of passion and abandon that I look for in a partner. I've tried unsuccessfully to adapt and change my ways in order to conform to modern-day norms. We try so hard not to appear too hopeful, too eager, too interested, too emotional, too vulnerable, too HUMAN, all in an effort to protect ourselves from feeling too much for someone who might not feel it back. But "the heart feels what the eyes cannot see and knows what the mind cannot understand."

I can't do it anymore. I'm inept at playing the game, unable to hide my excitement over someone, incapable of waiting whatever requisite number of hours or days the Rules tell me to wait before calling someone back or they call me. Forget 48 or even 24 hours after a date, I want him to call me from the car on his way home. Better yet, I want him to turn the car around and come back to me. Rules be damned! I want someone who'll throw caution to the wind. I want the foolish declarations of love. I want to know that I'm all he needs and to hear him shout it from the rooftops. If that makes me an incurable romantic then let me succumb to my condition.