I've Lost My Mojo

My blogging mojo, that is. I just didn't want to bore what little audience I had left with more tales from the dating crypt - as entertaining as some have been - without some kind of lesson learned. Every time I was about to sit down and bang out a post I'd go out and have another story or anecdote to tell so I kept banking them up and now I don't know where to begin or end.

My pal Yellow Gal recently pondered the merits of younger men. I admit that I too tend to judge them very harshly, even though I just met two 23 year olds who were more mature and well-traveled than their more-weathered counterparts. At the same time they are sweet and a little unsure of themselves. In short, rather refreshing. 23 isn't that young anyway, relatively speaking. It's not like I'm 23 and he's 18. So I've decided to give Boy Toy #2 a shot at wooing me.

In contrast, one of my neighbors stopped by to ask me out the other night. He's probably about 43 and had been flirting with me for the last year. Actually, I'd been having a hard time seeing him "that way" since I'd never dated anyone that much older and was surprised that he finally got up the nerve to ask me out. I agreed to have dinner with him tomorrow night.

A friend of mine pointed out that this man will be the third guy on my block to ask me out. Awkward. I can't leave my place without bumping into someone. I met a lot of people last year and 2006 has been absolutely frenzied so far, thanks in part to some matchmaker friends. I've put a few prospects on stand-by as I evaluate my current candidates, thereby ensuring that I'll not be going through a dry spell anytime soon. Talk about putting the Man in Management.

Jay and I saw one another again. I still think the risk is low of any romantic feelings developing, though its normal for there to be some emotions involved. He doesn't ask me about the other people in my life and I don't either. I plan on reverting to our platonic friendship once his wannabe-girlfriend comes back in a few weeks. She's in love with him even though she knows he's doesn't want a relationship. Don't want to get in the middle of that. Or am I already there?

Job "No. 2"

Unlimited earning potential - in case I ever needed to supplement my income. And you thought your job was shitty.

The More Things Change...

Romantic Semantics...

Who knows?

How To Get Laid Today

In response to a previous post I jokingly mentioned a book I'd come across on Amazon called The System: How To Get Laid Today! Lo and behold, I was over at a friend's yesterday evening and found this exact book lying on the table right in front of me. It was such a coincidence I almost didn't believe that it was the same one but indeed it was. My friend's (male) cousin had suggested she read it to possibly help her identify and avoid Players. I borrowed and read the book and found it quite amusing, actually agreeing with some of the points raised.

"The System provides specific instructions and examples of how to laid today. Within these pages you'll learn how to identify girls who are ready and willing to go home with you right NOW, how to meet them, and how to close the deal within minutes of meeting these girls...The trick is to pick the right girl and then follow the correct process to get that girl home and in bed."

So it isn't about how to get any girl but rather learning how to read a girl's signals, identifying the one who's into you, and confidently making your move. I think two of the most common mistakes guys make are 1)They go after women who are not interested in them 2)They don't recognize when a woman is interested and fail to make a move. This harks back to this post where I complain about this problem. Monkeylogique commented: "however obvious women think they are about the signals they send, they are simply usually *NOT* obvious enough. You must SPELL OUT your interest SO clearly that it will be obvious to the blind." I'm sorry but having to do that is a major turnoff. When a girl is sending a guy obvious signals that she's into him and he still isn't sure that translates into being "unsure of self" or lack of confidence and it's Game Over.

"Women communicate largely through body language and they expect men to understand their wants and needs without verbalizing them. Women believe when they give out these signals a confident, experienced man will take the appropriate actions. They expect this of men and will always choose the more confident man over the one who lacks confidence."

Definitely agree with this. I don't have time for some bewildered Boy whose hand I have to hold and guide through the motions.

Men also assume that some women are "good girls" who would never put out on the first date. The book's author writes:

"Every girl is a good girl, and every girl will put out on the first date given the right conditions, if she thinks you're the right guy, and your timing is right. Bad girls are just good girls with bad boys. You just have to be the man who can help her express that side of her nature."

No one I know goes out looking specifically for a one-night-stand but they've all had them at some point. It does depend on the circumstances and it is possible.

Overall, it was a fun read with some admittedly useful tips. The book isn't about getting women into bed by tricking them into thinking you want a relationship when all you want is to get laid. It's about identifying that 1% of women at any given moment who are open to the idea of sleeping with someone they just met and are interested in that someone. You're basically trying to sell a car to someone who's already looking to buy a car. If she's willing to take a test drive it's up to you to close the deal!

Becoming Asian Savvy

"Dating Asians" is the bible for dating Asians successfully. Asians are very different from Occidentals! And there are different types of Asians based on where they were born and raised. Each Asian group will have their own cultural traits and perspective on life. However, after reading this book, you will find that most Asians can actually be quite predictable.

"Dating Asians" analyzes common misconceptions and offers various ways to impress Asian people so that they will be accepting of you right away. These valuable insights can prevent you from making a buffoon of yourself; Asians call it "saving face". "Dating Asians" provides you with shortcuts to aid your understanding of the major Asian cultures. It will help you to easily become Asian-savvy.

If you have little or no experience dating Asians, this book will show you where to find them, what to do, what not to do, and what to expect. If you already have experience dating Asians, please read this book several times, as it will help you examine what you shouldn't have done, versus what you could have done right, the first time.

Size Matters

Sure, it's not what he has it's what he does with it, but if the sorry sight of his shriveled vienna sausage permanently quells all desire to have him approach you with it it won't do much good, now will it?

How To Attract Asian Women

Don't ask me how but I stumbled upon this book on Amazon, a five-star must-read according to the following reader review:

Me Love You Long Time

Having dated many Asian girls in Bangkok a half hour at a time for reasonable rates, I was very excited when I ordered this book. This book is filled with good tips for Whitey. I really dig Asian babes and their tiny hands, but I've never been very successful at banging them without paying for it. I learned a lot. For example, not all Asian chicks are so horny. Sorry guys. They can't all fry rice, but some can. They don't all know kung fu, but they're all pretty good at math so there's some tradeoff there. I feel I will be able to relate to my future mail order bride much better now having digested all this valuable advice. Bottom line - get this book and get more Asian chicks without the hassle and expense of a trip to Bangkok.

Well done.

Friends With Benefits

I've been hanging out a lot with my ex Jay lately. Since that evening in November the tension between us has been building slowly and steadily. Considering the number of platonic sleepovers we've had in the last three months I'm surprised it took this long for something to happen. I was slightly worried that it'd be awkward between us given that we hadn't been together since like, 1994, but it wasn't the case at all.

It's nice that Jay and I we have this history together, are still attracted to one another, and can occasionally be "affectionate" without either of us wanting to date the other, though neither is dating anyone seriously at the moment. I'm better able to recognize and accept this for what it is now than I would've a few years ago, with anyone else, or under any other circumstance. I'm sure any of Jay's groupies would gladly change places with me but when I look at him I still see the boy I dated in high scool. I'm unimpressed by his rock star image. Maybe that's part of my allure.

In other news I met the most gorgeous boy over the weekend. A very Abercrombie & Fitch type who I thought was totally out of my league. Even though I was with my two billowy blond bombshell friends he and I paired off right away. And you know the victory tasted sweeter cause my girlfriends couldn't stop drooling over him. Oh, and he was barely 23 (does that make me a Cougar?) but very sweet, successful, and mature. What a weekend. I feel like I've been through a marathon, which, ahem, I guess in some ways I have. When it rains it pours, Kay said. Amen to that!

Being in a relationship for so long it's normal for one to doubt one's charm and attractiveness. It's funny that being single can actually boost one's self-esteem. Granted the people I've met haven't been, in my opinion, boyfriend material but they've been great place holders until I decide I'm ready and/or the right one comes along. Who needs Joy Toyz? Abercrombie Boy-Toyz in single file please.

Good Night And Good Luck

Sandy told me that when she stays over at her best Friend's house the Friend won't sleep in the same bed with her. "I can't sleep with someone beside me," her Friend explained. Sandy reminded her that she would have to start getting used to it as the Friend was about to move in with her boyfriend. "Oh. Well...That's different," was the Friend's lame reply. Sandy was offended. "I don't get it," she said to me. I didn't either but I do now. Sandy's a snorer.

Now I don't know whether that's the same/real reason for the Friend's refusal but there's a good possibility it is because I sadly got no more than two hours of shut-eye the whole night. In the wee hours of the morning I decided to discreetly put on a CD hoping it would muffle Sandy's snoring. I was relieved when a few minutes later she stopped, and I was just starting to mercifully drift off when she suddenly asked, "Would you mind turning off the music?" Damn. So close. "Um, I can't sleep," I said tentatively, as I hit the Power button. "Me neither," she agreed, "I'm drifting in and out." Well, she was certainly drifting more In than Out as far as I was concerned but of course I couldn't say this and hurt her feelings, especially over something she couldn't control.

Sandy's a great girl, one of the sweetest people I've met, and our evening was a hoot but she probably won't be spending the night again any time soon. Not unless I get a cot or pull-out couch for the living room. My excuse for banishing her to the dungeon? I'll just tell her that I simply cannot sleep without music and I know she can't sleep with it. The classic It's-Not-You-It's-Me excuse. I never thought I'd have to use it on another girl but desperate times call for desperate measures!

Slumber Party

My friend Sandy is staying over tonight. We're going to talk about boys, bake cookies, have pillow fights, and finally satisfy our bi-curiosity. Is this really what horny males imagine happens at a slumber party? Actually, we're going to drink, smoke and swear like sailors and probably pass out on the sofa. Oh, and talk about boys, of course. Let the good times roll.

Carol

My friend Carol and I had brunch over the weekend. Our parents were and are still friends so we've known each other for years but were only close until I was about 14. We got back in touch last year after I moved into the neighborhood. Although she lives right around the corner, we don't hang out that often. Not that I wouldn't like to but I've never been very good at turning casual acquaintances into close friends. Something to do with not wanting to force my frienship on anyone. I'm insecure like that.

Anyway, Carol was one of these petite, cherubic kids that blossomed into quite an exotic (yet still slightly chubby-cheeked) beauty, though she looks so youthful (could it be the cheeks?) you'd think she was no older than 20 instead of the 26 years she's about to turn in two weeks. Every time I've seen her in the last year she's looked impeccable and this last time was no exception. Always very chic, even in casual wear. If she wasn't so sweet I'd probably be insanely jealous, instead I'm just a tad envious.

I say a tad because poor Carol's mother is arguably the meanest mom ever. She was physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive to Carol when we were growing up, which I and our friends too often had the horror of witnessing. It was like her mom took pleasure in humiliating her in front of others. Since Carol moved out I don't think her mom beats her anymore but the other forms of abuse sadly continue. Rarely does one encounter someone that one would characterize as mean-spirited but Carol's mother is definitely one of them. Bitter, vindictive and ruthless, she is. Pure evil.

A few years ago, having not seeing me for many years, I saw Carol's mom and stepdad at my father's retirement party. Her mother told me how pretty I'd become (a compliment that surprised me) only to lean in a moment later and whisper, "...cause you know, you were not pretty as a child. Not at all. Not like now..." Gee, thanks, you withered old bag.

Through no fault of her own Carol and her mom are currently not on speaking terms, which I think is not entirely a bad thing. She tries way too hard to get along with her mom, an impossible feat if you ask me. Because her mom has severed all ties with other family members Carol, who's an only child, has no other biological family around. She tries to keep in touch with her stepdad but her mother always makes her feel like a traitor for doing so, so the closest Carol has to family is her live-in boyfriend of over 5 years, who she says is fantastic. Thank God for that.

Carol was so sad over brunch. I can understand why it'd be difficult to cut her mom permanently out of her life but I really think the woman is incorrigible. Maybe she should give up on pursuing a real relationship rather than continuing to endure this unending cycle of abuse. She said her mother's eventual passing will bring about both sadness and relief to finally be rid of this cruel woman whom she felt/knew/was told she could never satisfy. Listening to Carol's problems always puts my own issues into perspective. No matter what I went through I know my parents love me to death and never meant for their marital difficulties to affect me the way they did.

I offered to have Carol over to my place for her birthday. I'm going to cook her a meal and we'll spend some quality time together. I'm also going to make an effort to call and invite her out more often. She lives a few minutes away so there's really no excuse. My own sister and I are very close and our relationship is invaluable to me. Carol and I may not be family but I can certainly be a better friend.

Oh Father

Oh Father, you never wanted to live that way
you never wanted to hurt me
Why am I running away?

Maybe someday
When I look back I'll be able to say
You didn't mean to be cruel
Somebody hurt you too

My sister called me in a total panic early today, rousing me from my slumber. Apparently my Father suffered a mild stroke last night and was in the hospital this morning. She was ready to leave the office and fly to his bedside. I felt surprisingly calm (numb?). I heard the worry in her voice and was glad that of the two of us she was Daddy's Girl. He had cried (cried!) at her wedding. I remember wondering whether he would cry at mine. I wondered now who would give me away when it was my turn if he died.

My Father's back home, alright for the time being. Regained his speech and mobility. He has followup tests scheduled over the next few days. I went over to see him at lunchtime.

"Hi, Dad. What happened?"

"I almost died last night."

I looked at the frail, grey, old man lying in bed. How could I have been so afraid of this man growing up? He may be old but he's still a firecracker, I reminded myself. I guess I'm still wary. Still angry. But I'm trying. I'll never forget but I'm trying hard to forgive. With time my hardened heart has softened.

I laid a hand on his arm. The only form of touch between us in about two decades. As usual, it felt unnatural but I didn't pull away.

"Well...you're still young. Don't die on me just yet..." He was amused.

It was wierd...In my mind I couldn't equate the man in front of me to the man I knew. How did he age so much while I wasn't looking? What was he like as a young man? He actually started to tell me stories of his youth and he has written a few short stories in our native tongue. I get my love of writing from him. We talk more now than ever before. Ironically I find it easier to talk to him than my mother. But we never talk about the pain of our past. I'm too much of a coward. It's difficult to think that I'll have to say goodbye to him someday, maybe soon. I know I'll cry then, shedding bitter tears for all the things I could never say, all the questions for which there'll be no answers.